It seems like just about everyone has been piling on poor Kevin Federline-Spears of late. With good reason mind you, as someone has misled this poor fella into believing that he has been blessed with the ability to lay down a dope track. It’s a shame really.

Anywho…the video of K-Fed bopping and grooving to his track has been roaming around the net, and so many others have already ripped it apart that it would be redundant for me to take part. What I will do however, is provide for you the remix featuring one of my favorite songs, Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Enjoy.

The YouTube servers have been running kinda slow of late, so you may want to hit the pause button and let it download all the way so that you can enjoy it uninterrupted.

One of these days, I’m going to completely lose it and curse out one of these idiots that comes through my office door.

Probably 5 or 10 times a week, some clueless idiot comes traipsing through the door, asking where “insert random business name here” is located. We are located in a nondescript office complex, and most of the businesses don’t even have a sign up. So I have no idea what is around here. Nor do I care. But for some reason, these idiots expect me to be the information hub of the universe. And though I’ve checked the door multiple times and never seen it, there must be a visible-only-to-idiots sign that says “Information Kiosk” painted on it. Look, I can deal with someone coming in and asking where “insert random business name here” is, what I can’t deal with is when they refuse to accept it when I tell them that I don’t know. They will stand in the lobby, going on and on, repeating the business name like I’m deaf. That doesn’t help. Then, they start giving me the street number, usually for a different street than we are on. I know my street number. I don’t know the street number of the gas station around the corner. Then they will start telling me what they do know, like they are sure that it is right next to “insert random business name here“, which is another business I’m not familiar with. Then they will want to see a phone book. Then they will want to use the phone. “Do you have a pen and paper I can borrow?” Etc. etc.

Listen up, idiots. I don’t know means I don’t know. If I know where it is, I’ll tell you. Believe me, it is my goal to get you the hell out of here as fast as possible so as to reduce the chance of me braining you with a potted plant. Going on and on about it and not leaving doesn’t suddenly make me know where the hell your stupid idiot ass is trying to go. Here is a clue, find out where you are going before you leave the house. Call and get directions before you get in the car. Look at a map. Do something other than depend on the rest of the world to compensate for you being stupid and / or lazy.

While I’m on the subject of idiots walking through my door, here is another annoyance. Probably 10-20 times a week, someone will walk through the door and announce that they are here for their meeting. “With whom are you meeting?” I’ll calmly ask. They never seem to know who they are actually having a meeting with, but they know it is an important meeting. I will ask them what business they are looking for. 100% of the time, the answer is a business that is not ours. Never mind that our company name is on a huge frickin’ sign outside, and that there is a huge decal on our door. These people think it is just plain easier to walk in the first door that they see and start yammering on like they own the place rather than, you know, reading the sign on the door. “Oh, I’m in the wrong place,” they will inevitably say. Yes. Yes you are. Kudos to you on attaining such a high level of self-awareness. Next time, perhaps you could be bothered to actually pay attention to what you are doing and read a sign or something.

I’ve been trying to make my way through the giant queue of movies that has been stacking up in my “Want To See” pile. Tonights entry: Brokeback Mountain. Several thoughts:

• I managed to make my way through the whole film without turning even a little bit gay. *WHEW* Now maybe all the rabid homophobes can rest easy and quit living in fear.
• Anne Hathaway? Yes please.
• Ennis Del Mar is not what you might call a “tender” man.
• Alma Jr. is the worst name for a girl since Apple.
• Jake Gyllenhaal just doesn’t look like a cowboy. Not even one tiny bit.
• Brokeback was filmed in the Canadian Rockies of Alberta. Ang Lee takes full advantage of that remarkable backdrop.

Now let me pose a question for those that have seen it–did we like it? I’m not sure if I did or not. I wish I could have seen it without having heard so much about it ahead of time. Methinks it was a victim of unreal expectations. Anyway, I’m just not feeling all the “best film of the year” love for it. What about you?

Reminder–the first Veronica Mars episode of 2006 airs tonight. Or tomorrow morning for those of us living in Chattanooga.

*sigh*

I’m getting really sick of having to wait a whole day to watch my favorite show. Hopefully WFLI (Chattanooga’s WB!) will become the local CW affiliate next year. That way I can watch Veronica Mars when it is actually scheduled. Dare to dream…

I’ve railed against the “brilliant” city planning here in Chattanooga before, and now I think I have some insight. With regards to our city planner, I’ve often thought to myself, “What is this guy’s problem? Is he blind or something?”

Turns out I was half right:

Full size picture is here.

This picture was not doctored or staged in any way–my refrigerator was really this empty. After seeing the vast emptiness stare back at me over the weekend, I finally decided that it was time to swing by the grocery store for a few things.

For those who are wondering, those are foil-wrapped paint rollers on the bottom shelf.

As stated in my earlier post, I didn’t actually watch the Golden Globes this year. Because of that oversight, I didn’t find out until today that the show was apparently kicked off with a video montage set to the Pussycat Dolls song Don’t Cha, complete with occasion appropriate lyrics.

Did this really happen?

My day has sucked so much, I don’t even have the strength to bitch about it.

You have every right in the world to mock and ridicule me for this, but I can’t help myself. Tomorrow night, I’m going to watch this:

I watched Grizzly Man last night. It is the story of Timothy Treadwell, a bear “enthusiast” who spent 13 summers in Alaska studying the grizzly bears (technically Coastal brown bears) he found there. He filmed them for nearly five years, spent the time he wasn’t in Alaska speaking publicly to share his findings, and founded an organization to protect the bears and preserve their habitat. On October 5, 2003, both he and his girlfriend were attacked and killed by a brown bear. This film was directed by Werner Herzog, and is a combination of his own interviews and clips taken from the 100+ hours of footage that Treadwell himself filmed.

At first glance, Treadwell is easily dismissed as a complete and utter fool. You mess with bull, you get the horns as the saying goes. But this film paints a picture of someone who was searching so desperately for his place in the world, that one can’t help but feel a little sadness at how things ended up. He finally found a kinship with these wild animals in Alaska. The problem was that the kinship was very one sided, as the ending of his life pointedly proves. The film also shows that he was quite probably not altogether right in the head as well. The footage that he himself filmed provides all the evidence that one would need to come to that conclusion. Naming all the bears that surround him, as well as befriending and naming foxes and other animals. Calling to and talking to them, even declaring his love for them. Screaming out to god for rain so that the salmon would run and provide food for the bears. Placing his hand in…well, I better not. You should probably see it for yourself as my words could never do the scene justice.

I’m not sure if this is a movie that I love or would watch multiple times, but I do think that it is an excellent film. It is without question an extraordinarily fascinating character study as well as a great demonstration of Herzog’s filmmaking talents.

The film’s trailer can be found here.

Fired up Pandora after lunch today only to be greeted by this photo:

Downright scary, I tell you. The expressionless face, the dead eyes–it’s like she is stealing your soul.

*shudder*

Seinfeld mode ahead…

What is the deal with couples that have to sit next to each other all the time?

I don’t mean next to each other like in a movie theater, but like in a booth at a restaurant. I find it really creepy and disturbing. Is it some sort of insecurity? Like if they aren’t physically touching then they aren’t close? I just don’t get it.

The inbred cousin of this behavior is when a lady sits in the middle of a pickup truck so she can nestle up against their boyfriend or husband instead of on the passenger side. I don’t know if this is something that is prevalent only in the south, or if I just never noticed when I lived up north. I completely don’t understand that. I would flip out if someone sidled up to me like that when there is a perfectly good seat right next to them. To me it makes more sense to face the person you are with so you can actually have face to face communication as opposed to cheek to cheek. Or in the case of the pickup truck, be able to turn and talk without knocking your heads together.

I just wish people would stop doing it, because it is creeping me out big time.

My main man Ray Nagin is at it again:

“Surely God is mad at America. He sent us hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, and it’s destroyed and put stress on this country.” “Surely he doesn’t approve of us being in Iraq under false pretenses. But surely he is upset at black America also. We’re not taking care of ourselves.”

Surely you are one of the greatest Jackasses in history. Just throw it all at the wall and see what sticks, eh Nagin? So god is mad. About the US being in Iraq. So he punishes New Orleans. With hurricanes. Instead of punishing Washington D.C., which would actually support your theory. Oh, wait–he might be mad about black America too. So maybe that is why he went after New Orleans. Because there are no black people anywhere else in America. And I’m pretty sure that he is pissed at Fox for the impending cancellation of Arrested Development too. Oo oo, and I’ll bet that he is irate at Subway for changing the way they cut the bread on their subs.

If I remember my Old Testament correctly, when god gets pissed, you don’t have to wonder if he is punishing you or not. He doesn’t flood New Orleans, he floods the planet. He doesn’t just damage the city, he rains down fire and brimstone and burns it to the ground. He starts killing first born sons and turning water into blood. If he is mad at humanity, he makes sure that they know it. OK? Not a lot of room for speculation there.

Hurricanes occur when a big bad storm that form over the ocean hit land. And when your city is located on the coast, your chances increase dramatically of having it hit you. Not a lot of hurricanes hitting New Mexico that I can recall. So maybe, just maybe, you can stop blaming god and get it through your pea-sized brain that it was a natural act. No one sent the hurricanes, they just happened. No one is singling out New Orleans for whatever reasons you can concoct. Your city just happened to be in the way. And trying to use this tragedy to forward your political and social agenda is deplorable and unconscionable.

“I don’t care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day.” “This city will be a majority African-American city. It’s the way God wants it to be.”

In addition to being a big meanie that shoots hurricanes at New Orleans for whatever petty reasons he feels like, god is also a huge racist. Outstanding.

Oh, and later Nagin also described an imaginary conversation he had with Martin Luthor King Jr. Which means he watched this week’s episode of The Boondocks. Only The Boondocks had something important to say, and said it with clarity and purpose.

Every time Jackass Nagin opens his big stupid mouth, I feel the rage flooding into my brain until I see red. I just hope that someday I will have to opportunity to see a news story about him that ends in his painful torturous death, and not some grandstanding quote.

I can’t comment on the movies that were nominated for Golden Globes, as I’ve seen about five movies total this year, but I am qualified to critique the TV awards. And though I didn’t even watch the award show, critique I shall:

Best Television Series – Drama
Winner:
“Lost” (2004)
Other Nominees:
“Commander in Chief” (2005)
“Grey’s Anatomy” (2005)
“Prison Break” (2005)
“Rome” (2005)

I haven’t watched Rome (it is in the “to be watched” queue), and I’m not going to watch Commander in Chief unless Geena Davis is suddenly replaced by someone I don’t hate. Of the remaining three, Lost is the choice. Having said that, it isn’t as good as The Shield, House, or The Wire. And none of these shows can hold a candle to Veronica Mars.

Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Winner:
“Desperate Housewives” (2004)
Other Nominees:
“Curb Your Enthusiasm” (2000)
“Entourage” (2004)
“Everybody Hates Chris” (2005)
“My Name Is Earl” (2005)
“Weeds” (2005)

I find it hard to believe that Terri Hatcher is funnier than Larry David. Or more attractive for that matter. Oh, and would it kill them to add an animated show to the list? Family Guy? The Boondocks? South Park?

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Winner:
Steve Carell for “The Office” (2005)
Other Nominees:
Zach Braff for “Scrubs” (2001)
Larry David for “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (2000)
Jason Lee for “My Name Is Earl” (2005)
Charlie Sheen for “Two and a Half Men” (2003)

I’m fine with this. I don’t really watch comedies on TV, but Steve Carell is a funny man so good for him.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Winner:
Mary-Louise Parker for “Weeds” (2005)
Other Nominees:
Marcia Cross for “Desperate Housewives” (2004)
Teri Hatcher for “Desperate Housewives” (2004)
Felicity Huffman for “Desperate Housewives” (2004)
Eva Longoria for “Desperate Housewives” (2004)

Anything that keeps the Desperate Housewives from the out of the winners circle is OK in my book. And I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for her because of her Golden Globes acceptance speech in 2004: “Janel Moloney just told me she would pay me a thousand dollars if I thanked my newborn son for my boobs looking so good in this dress.” Tremendous.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama
Winner:
Hugh Laurie for “House, M.D.” (2004)
Other Nominees:
Patrick Dempsey for “Grey’s Anatomy” (2005)
Matthew Fox for “Lost” (2004)
Wentworth Miller for “Prison Break” (2005)
Kiefer Sutherland for “24″ (2001)

Hugh is unbelievable as House. He is better at the asshole doctor role than even my beloved Romano from ER. I always get a chuckle when I flip by Blackadder on PBS and see him playing a dandy and speaking in his native accent.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama
Winner:
Geena Davis for “Commander in Chief” (2005)
Other Nominees:
Patricia Arquette for “Medium” (2005)
Glenn Close for “The Shield” (2002)
Kyra Sedgwick for “The Closer” (2005)
Polly Walker for “Rome” (2005)

I’m assuming that all of the ballots had the checkbox for Glenn Close cut off at the bottom. That is the only explanation for her not winning.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Winner:
Paul Newman for Empire Falls (2005) (TV)
Other Nominees:
Naveen Andrews for “Lost” (2004)
Jeremy Piven for “Entourage” (2004)
Randy Quaid for “Elvis” (2005) (mini)
Donald Sutherland for “Commander in Chief” (2005)

Take heart losers, Paul Newman can’t live forever. What? I said the same thing 10 years ago? Oh crap…

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Winner:
Sandra Oh for “Grey’s Anatomy” (2005)
Other Nominees:
Candice Bergen for “Boston Legal” (2004)
Camryn Manheim for “Elvis” (2005) (mini)
Elizabeth Perkins for “Weeds” (2005)
Joanne Woodward for Empire Falls (2005) (TV)

Sandra plays a painfully annoying resident. Assuming that she is acting and isn’t like that in real life, she does a hell of a job.

Customer: I picked up this computer and the printer won’t work.
AngryB: Did you plug it into the correct port?
Customer: (snorts derisively) I plugged it into the printer port if that’s what you are asking.
AngryB: You sure about that? Where is that port located? By the keyboard and mouse connectors?
Customer: No. The slot below the video card.
AngryB: That would be the SCSI card for the scanner.
Customer: (sheepishly) Oh.

That’s right. Oh. Now shut up and stop calling me. I fixed your crappy PII-233. Everything works. If it doesn’t, it is because of a little something I like to call USER ERROR.

The things you see in a Chattanooga parking lot:

I seriously doubt that this is Anne Robinson’s truck, which means some poor Chattanooga resident is still living in 2001. I’ll be keeping a look out for the “Can’t Touch This” and “Where’s the Beef” decals in the upcoming days and weeks.

Angryb.com is officially one year old today. My first post originally appeared on Blogger and was really intended to be an opportunity for the techie in me to see how Blogger worked. I didn’t really know if I had it in me to be even a semi-regular content creator, and was truly an experiment at the start. Soon after, I figured out that it was a chance to learn a tiny bit of HTML coding. That led to me having an interest in figuring out how to set up my own site and getting MySQL, PHP and all that stuff working together in harmony. Then I dug around until I found an Open Source publishing system that I liked (Thanks WordPress!) Finally I took the plunge, plunked down my $8.95, and registered www.angryb.com. Along the way, I have turned this learning experience into an opportunity to brush off my rusty and admittedly unsophisticated writing skills (trust me, this is way better than the book of poems that would have been the alternative.) This blog has also been a great outlet for my daily (hourly? minutely?) outrages. I’m sure that my blood pressure has never been lower.

Not to stray too far from my intended purpose of being angry all the time but…I truly appreciate all those who stop by to read my ranting. While I would probably still write from time to time even if no one else read it, I find knowing that others can laugh at, empathize with, or shake their heads disapprovingly at my rage a strangely compelling reason to keep at it.

One things I’ve kind of left by the wayside is my FPIHHoF feature. I really don’t know why, as I certainly haven’t stopped hating famous people…perhaps it is the problem of narrowing it down to just one at a time? No pledge or anything else dramatic, but I would like to get that started again. Feel free to nominate candidates in the comments. Really, any feedback is appreciated. I’ll probably ignore or dismiss any suggestions because I’m just stubborn like that, but feel free to suggest anyway.

BTW, I find it mildly ironic that the traditional first anniversary gift is paper, yet I do all my writing electronically.

Happy Blogiversary to me. Whee!

In the post below, I completely forgot to mention the first thing that went wrong this morning. I woke up absolutely freezing to death and couldn’t figure out why. I wandered around shivering for quite some time completely confused. I checked the thermostat, and everything looked ok. However, after I showered and was a tiny bit more awake, I figured out that I had set my thermostat to 48° instead of 58°. So basically, I’m an idiot. I mean, I normally keep things cool in the house, but that was kind of ridiculous.

This morning events are a perfect example of why I’m such an angry guy. Let me map out a little timeline for you:

• 8:55 I arrive to work, sit down at my desk, and start up my PC.

• 8:56 I check my voicemail.

First message is from a super high-maintenance business owner that is a royal pain in the butt. Her monitor is dead (I’m skeptical, BTW) and she is having an absolute fit about it. Mind you, I’ve been available to come out and look at it for literally weeks, but she hasn’t called me. But NOW it is an emergency situation.

Second message is from a customer with a “dead” machine. Now, lets deal with semantics for a moment. “Dead” means that a machine will not power up. Remember that for later.

• 8:58 I hang up the phone from checking those messages, only to have my message light instantly light up again with a new one. This message was left in the general mailbox, but was intended for a specific person. You know how I feel about people that can’t type in an extension, right?

• 9:00 My boss walks up to my office and announces that we need to have a quick meeting. I at this time ignore that and march to the back so that I might get the coffee started brewing. It is quite obvious that I’m going to need it.

• 9:02 Sit down for company meeting. This meeting is to inform us that we are going to need to fill out a bunch of forms for medical insurance.

An aside–I think my boss is a bit timid about approaching this subject with me because the last time he handed me a form I completely went ballistic and started yelling. What he hasn’t been able to puzzle out, is that the reason it made me mad is because it was a medical history form that he handed me at 10am while our insurance guy was at our office waiting on it. I don’t know about you, but I don’t keep a full folder of my medical history in my drawer at work. So when the boss is sitting outside my door tapping his foot waiting for me to pull the date of my last doctor visit out of my ass, it tends to make me a bit upset. Anywho…he blathered on about health insurance for a while, then gave us some sort of pep-talk, then let us go.

• 9:12 The person who left the second voicemail this morning called again. Because she would hate to give us 15 minutes to call her back. At this time she explained that the PC couldn’t get on the network. To her, that means the machine is “dead”. And we are supposed to be able to diagnose problems over the phone with these people describing the problem to us. Yeah right…

• 9:15 I finally get an opportunity to pour a coffee and start sipping on it. Log onto my bench machine to reconfigure my /etc/boot/grub/menu.lst file in an attempt to calm my troubled mind.

• 9:20 My boss sends me down to fix the “dead” computer. At this point, I’ve had about 1/4 of my cup of coffee. That is just not enough. But I dutifully head down and resolve the problem. Fortunately, I was there just long enough to bleed into the second half hour and in turn was able to bill for a full hour of labor.

This is how my day started. And I’m not sure it is going to get any better. Maybe I should think about Irishing up my coffee a little?

Recently, I’ve been checking out a new music service called Pandora. It supposedly uses all sorts of voodoo under the hood to figure out what kind of music you will like based on a little user input. So far, I’ve set up two stations: a Hard Rock radio station and a Singer / Songwriter (for lack of a better title) channel.

So far, their engine has figured out that I like both “Fool for Your Loving” by Whitesnake AND “Gravel” by Ani Difranco on the Hard Rock station. Not sure how that worked out, but it is true so more power to their recommendation engine. The Singer / Songwriter channel hasn’t had that kind of breakthrough, but I’ve managed to convince it that I like Concrete Blonde, Dire Straits, The Cardigans, and Peter Gabriel. The cool thing is that there is no external player download as it uses a Flash based player in your browser. Give it a whirl maybe?

In other music news: I’m out of stuff to listen too. I think I’ve finally worn out my Cardigans cd, my Madonna cd, and my Darkness cd. Suggestions?