Spent a lot of my weekend at my sister’s house, helping her and my mom work do work on two of the bedrooms. My two niece’s rooms to be exact. However, I was under the impression that we were just painting, so I felt a little betrayed when the two of them went to Home Depot on Saturday night and left me to sand and prep a bunch of antique furniture. I hate sanding. Especially when it is kids and doll furniture with nooks and crannys and inch-thick coats of varnish that turns to glue when sanded. I think most of the 50 year old varnish got transferred from the furniture to my lung linings. So that was great. Sunday wasn’t so bad–just priming and painting. Some prep work to start the day–caulking edges, removing nails and anchors, removing doors, filling holes, etc. The rest of the day was just mindless back and forth with the paint roller, nothing too difficult. I would estimate that the paint fumes managed to kill about 10% of my brain cells though. So any spelling or grammar problems are a result of my reduced mental abilities.

I’ll head over there after work to check their progress and pitch in with whatever is left. And for the record–I’m not just a good uncle, I may be the BEST uncle.

Please bear witness to the aftermath of the toilet repair job:

Please note the metal can to catch the water in the upper left. Keep in mind that this toilet has never leaked before they “fixed” it today. I’d also like to draw your attention to the manner in which they chose to repair the rocking problem. Yup, that’s right, those are shims. We won’t even mention the fact that they didn’t bother to clean up after themselves.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is Tennessee craftsmanship at its finest.

We have two bathrooms at our office. Since there are no women that work here, that means that they are both free domain. However, there has always been problems with both. The “Ladies” bathroom toilet would barely flush down urine, let alone the other thing. And the “Mens” toilet is barely bolted to the floor, it is like a rocking toilet. Kinda relaxing, but at the same time perilous. After enduring these problems for many long years, our landlords are finally fixing the problems.

The funny part is the guys that are over here fixing it. Yup, there are two of them. Brothers in spirit if not by blood. I guess if I had to describe them, I would ask you to think about what would happen if a redneck and a monkey had a baby. A retarded baby. There, that sounds about right. The repair seems to involve a lot of walking back and forth between the “Terlit” and their truck, with a health dose of standing around looking confused. Every once in a while I hear a clank or some drilling too. I’m fully expecting to see a jet of water come flooding through the door at some point too.

Pure comedy gold.

Why, it’s Veronica Mars of course!

Tonights episode is called “Ruskie Business” and will briefly feature a fantastic guest star and probable cast addition for Season 2. From the previews, it has a nod to the John Hughes movies of the 80′s as well.

What more do you people want? WATCH IT ALREADY! I swear, if I find out you are watching One Tree Hill or the One Day at a Time Reunion Special instead, we are going to have words. Lots of loud, angry, profane words.

Just what the hell is President’s Day, and why am I at work during it.

I should be at home, uh, reflecting or something.

Did my taxes today.

That Libertarian Party is sounding better every year.

I drank the last of the middle-of-the-road-work coffee yesterday, and failed to make it to the store and buy more last night. That left me with a choice to make this morning–walk up the road and get a cup of gas station coffee, or drink this:

I had a choice to make–and I chose…poorly. This Maxwell House is one of the most disgusting things I have ever drank in my life. It kind of tastes like regular coffee, but regular coffee mixed with fireplace ashes and potting soil. I tried to cover up the taste with several packets of sugar, but that just isn’t getting the job done. It is almost enough to make me skip my morning caffeine fix. Almost.

I don’t hate cellular phones. After all, I own one myself. I do however hate many of the people that use them. Cell phone etiquette is pretty much non-existent these days, a good example of which happened just the other day. Some customer (who incidentally has been persistent pain in the ass and a poor source of income) comes in to pick his machine up from my boss. While he was in the middle of trying to weasel a bunch of free help out of him, his phone rang. He then proceeded to have a 10 minute conversation in the middle of our lobby, about 5 feet away from my office completely ignoring my boss to conduct his phone conversation, clueless to the fact that it was an incredibly rude act. And of course, he can’t speak in a normal voice at a normal volume, it has to be near shouting because that is how people talk on their damn cell phones. Hey Jackass here is an idea, you can CALL WHOEVER IT IS BACK. Or better yet, let them leave a message and don’t put the person you are standing in front of on hold for 10 minutes.

I fail to understand what it is about the cellular waves that interfere with the common sense portion of the brain. I guess the main problem with that statement is that it assumes that people HAVE common sense to begin with.

I gaze longingly out the window, because it is 60 degrees and sunny outside. And here I am stuck inside, working like a sucker.

One of my esteemed co-workers left at 1pm, because he was “sick.”

Wish I had thought of that.

Plopped Apocalypse ’91 onto the Rio over the weekend and listened to it while I went running. Wow. I was quickly reminded just how good Public Enemy was. For me, PE had about as good of a 3 CD run as anyone: It Takes a Nation of Millions, Fear of a Black Planet, and Apocalypse ’91. Really strong material that was both powerful and funny. But that legacy has been tainted. The whole time I was listening, the image that kept creeping into the back of my brain was that of Flavor Flav chasing after Brigitte Nielsen. It makes me sad to think that for many people, that will be the thing they remember about Flav and PE.

The next time you flip by VH1 and see whatever show that Flavor Flav is making an ass of himself on that day, try to remember that he wasn’t always a living joke. There was a time when Flav had people laughing with him, relieved to have some balance to the heavy subject matter that Chuck D was preaching about. That is what I will try to remember anyway.

Besides, I know the pickin’s were pretty slim on that Surreal Life show, but c’mon Flav, Brigitte? You would have been better off chasing Charo for cryin’ out loud.

The south doesn’t have many redeeming qualities. For the most part the cons outweigh the pros. But today, I’m glad to be a southerner. Why? Because I had a pounding headache. I mean a really debilitating one where you can hardly see it hurts so bad. The kind of headache where you have only one option.

Goody’s.

I had no idea that such an elixir existed until I moved to Tennessee. But some natives introduced me to it shortly thereafter. And now I marvel at the southern ingenuity that drove some crazy redneck pharmacist to combine Tylenol, aspirin and large amounts of caffeine into a disgusting powder that has magical healing properties. It must be used sparingly however. Regular usage reduces it’s effectiveness, so it must be saved for those really really bad headaches. Now, there are some drawbacks, as you might expect. Mainly the taste. It tastes just as bad as you would expect a ground up Tylenol, aspirin, and caffeine mixture to taste–awful. The trick is to drop the mixture as far back on your tongue as possible, then immediately gulp down some juice or a Coke. This bypasses most of the taste buds, and the liquid quickly washes the bad taste away. DO NOT use water, as it doesn’t have the flavor necessary to combat the Goody’s. I like to use Coke because it gives the added benefit of a sugar rush.

So the next time you have a throbber of a headache, go and find some Goody’s powder. I have found that they do have it in the north, but it is usually very well hidden. Give it a try, it really does work. I could barely see about 90 minutes ago, and now I feel fine. There are few pains in this world that can’t be eliminated with one or two packages of Goody’s.

This was quite an advertisement, I wonder if they are looking for sponsorship opportunities…

So there I am, minding my own business surveying a workstation at a customer site, and I hear it. “I’m gonna soak up the sun.” Instantly, I’m filled with rage, and it becomes almost impossible to finish my simple task. This song is one of the most annoying pieces of garbage that any member of the human race has ever produced. Assuming that she is actually human, which judging by her leathered skin and freakish face, is no slam dunk.

Whenever I think of or see Sheryl Crow, the only term that leaps to mind is “Brutal Skank.” I seriously want to vomit when I hear people talk about how attractive she is. Then, these same people want to claim that she is talented as well. Stop it, just stop. Her only talent is writing insipid, repetitive, meaningless songs that are consumed by the brain dead masses that are ever so plentiful in the world today. That “Soak up the Sun” song is truly abysmal, then you add crap like that stupid and offensive “Steve McQueen” song, countless other crimes against my ears that are too painful to even mention, and you have ample evidence that my hatred for her is justified. Sheryl Crow, I hate you and your crappy music.

Reminder–new Veronica Mars episode tonight. Entitled “Lord of the Bling”, it guest stars everyone’s favorite Hang Time veteran, Anthony Anderson. You know, Teddy Bear? I’m the only one that remembers that? Ah, forget it.

And for those of you who are Buffy fans, look who is coming to Neptune:

My favorite new show just keeps getting better and better. So watch already!

Today I’m not so much angry as I am relieved. I passed my Installing, Configuring, and Administering Microsoft Windows® XP Professional exam this afternoon. I’ve been studying on and off for a while, but finally got around to scheduling it. So for about the last week I’ve been drinking lots of coffee and studying in earnest. I boned up on the material that Microsoft recommends, and then studied some material gleaned off of the web. The Microsoft material covered about 20% of the questions on the test. Let’s just say that I’m glad that I chose to supplement. And I’m glad to be done with the process, because studying is for suckers.

So I’m now a full fledged Microsoft Certified Professional. Funny, I don’t feel any different.

In a couple of hours, I’m off to a Super Bowl / Poker party. While I have no interest in playing poker, I am looking forward to watching the game. To savor it, as it will be the last football game that is on for many months. The Super Bowl is always kind of a melancholy occasion for me. The game is often a blowout, and you sit and watch it unfold with the knowledge that this is it for football until next season. With no hockey this year, I will have a nearly sports-free life until the NFL Player Entry Draft, followed by the start of the baseball season. For me, a true sports junkie, this borders on tragedy. I’ll have a hole in my free time that demands to be filled. I guess it is time to start on the backlog of shows that are queued up on the old MCE (TiVO-like) box. There are a bunch of episodes of “Ed” for me to get caught up on.

As for the game: I am hesitant to predict anything but a Patriots victory. They just win and win and win. I have no rooting interest either way, so I’m just hoping for an exciting game. The commercials will suck, what with the FCC inspired fear running rampant, so the game will have to provide the entertainment. I hope everyone enjoys this near-national holiday.

You would think the fewer customers in an establishment, the better the service. But it doesn’t work that way most of the time. For example, I went to the grocery store tonight, and it was nearly deserted. I was able to zip right through, and thought I was home free. Until I got to the checkout lines. First of all, I hate the stupid self-checkout lines. If the store isn’t going to give some sort of discount for doing THEIR work, then they can damn well do it themselves. When I hopped in line, the checkout lady was marveling about some person dumping their change in the Coinstar machine. Seriously, marveling. It was like she had never seen such a thing in her life. Never mind the fact that the machine is 15 feet away from where she works EVERY DAY. After she managed to tear her attention away long enough to actually scan my groceries, I realized that the bagger had left her post. Why? TO GO AND ASK THE COINSTAR PERSON HOW MUCH MONEY THEY HAD CHANGED! I waited about 30 seconds or so, until it was apparent that the checkout girl wasn’t about to bag my stuff. So with a glare, I threw my food in bags and left quickly, before my rage caused me to hurl obscenities at both girls. “Sorry”, says the bagger as she returns from her fact finding mission.

Yes. I’m sorry too. Next time I’ll be sure to have a pocket full of nickels so I can keep their attention.

I’ve commented before about how the news tends to make me angry. Perhaps then I made a mistake by logging into cnn.com this morning, because I was greeted with the following headlines:

If you would, please turn your attention to the last item listed. “Orlando Bloom, Kate Bosworth split.” THIS is news? Who the hell cares? I can see this as a headline for maybe “E!” or “Entertainment Tonight”, but CNN??? I’d like to think they are above this kind of thing, but I’m afraid they prove me wrong almost daily.

Besides, Orlando can do MUCH better than Kate Bosworth. If I were him, I’d be looking up Eliza Dushku’s phone number right now.

Since we really haven’t had much of a winter here in Chattanooga anyway (it was 70 degrees on New Years Eve day for crying out loud), I’m ready for it to be over. Why? Because I miss decent produce.

Have you ever tried to eat what passes for a tomato in the grocery store? Have you ever tried to eat a tomato from the grocery store in January? They suck. I’m ready to see the roadside stands where I can buy 5 for $2, and have them actually taste like something. Even better, I’m ready for friends and family to get their gardens producing, so I can get 5 for $0. Moochie moochie .

So winter be gone. Unless we are due for a cold snap with snow and all the other associated goodies. In which case, I take it all back. Because nothing is more fun than watching a bunch of Tennessee Rednecks try and negotiate a little bit of snow.